Thursday, December 27, 2007
Stupid but funny Reasons.....
Monday, November 12, 2007
Joke - Husbands expert comments on Diwali sweets
I had prepared Laddo's for the festival and was just waiting for my husband to taste them and his expert comments.
His first comments (keeping his face straight) - well!! Tastes fine but Ladoos are usually round in shape!!!
No its not over yet.....
We were talking about something and i was very happy but was hiding it and showing an angry face...
His comments - Dil mein tou ladoo phoot rahe hoge...... Hey but tell me one thing.... Dil mein jo ladoo phoot rahein hai wo round hain ya aise he tere asli ladoos ke shape mein hai??
I was angry but LoL.... he was LoL!! :)
Friday, November 2, 2007
Wedding Query............. (SQL Style)
BrideGroom Male (25) ,
Bride Female (20) AS BEGIN
SELECT Bride FROM India_Brides
WHERE Father-In-Law = 'Millionaire' AND Count(Car) > 20
AND HouseStatus ='ThreeStoreyed'
AND BrideEduStatus IN (B.TECH, BE, Degree, MCA, MBA)
AND Having Brothers= Null AND Sisters =Null;
SELECT Gold, Cash, Car, BankBalance FROM Father-In-Law
UPDATE MyBankAccout SET MyBal = MyBal + FatherInLawBal
UPDATE MyLocker SET MyLockerContents = MyLockerContents + FatherInLawGold
INSERT INTO MyCarShed VALUES ('BMW')
END
GO
Then the wife writes the below query:
DROP Aliance;
DROP Husband;
Commit;
Monday, October 22, 2007
Joke - Follow Us.
I was in the one which was behind in the race.
Our friend driving the first car didnt know the way properly, So we called him on mobile and asked him to go slow and follow us (drive behind us)...
One of the friend in our car commented "Follow doesnt mean take a U Turn and come behind us" :)
we all were LOL!!
Friday, October 5, 2007
Water or Wine!! Heres the Answer :)
Monday, October 1, 2007
Practicle jokes of Hubby!!!
Just today when I received a call @ around 1.30pm I was both surprise and happy...
Me - Hello dear.
He - (in a hurry) Hey! how soon can you come to my office?
Me - Why?
He - please try to come immediately. right now.
my mood changed suddenly - little tensed and anxious, thinking... what has gone wrong???
Me - (anxious) WHY?
He - Well, the chapatis which you have given in tiffin requires two people to break them in pieces.
Me - releaved and laughing... and angry
He - LoL!!!
Sunday, September 23, 2007
After having failed his exam in "Logistics and Organization ", a student goes and confronts his lecturer about it.
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Jokes - Husband & Wife
The Silent Treatment
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee." The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee." Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible
that the man should do the coffee."Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me." So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament
and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says..........
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Joke - Abortion in the Ears!!
My wife is an ENT Surgeon while as I am a Gynaecologist.
(In fact, we had nearly called our hospital The 'Holey' Family hospital butare now waiting for our son to be a Proctologist and marry an urologist.)This can lead to some complications, as I recently learned to my anguish. AGeneral Practitioner phoned me up and told me that she as sending a patientof hers for an abortion. Unknown to me, she had also referred a female withearwax for removal of the wax to my wife.
Monday, August 20, 2007
Practicle jokes @ Home Sweet Home
Its his bday tomorrow ..... so as usual he asked as he does one day before this day every year
Hubby - hey what bday gift are you giving me tomorrow.
me - I am planning to murder you so that we both have a great bday gift.
Hubby - hmm, great, but please dont kill me with a knife or dont even strangle me please..... just add poison in whatever you cook tonight,
as it is your food tastes like poison.
2. Hubby always goes to sleep when we are watching some movie of my choice @ home
me - you have never seen one complete movie of my choice with me @ home
Hubby - Ofcourse we have seen Dhoom -2 the other day
me - hmm, No ways i remember you went to sleep before itself.
Hubby - No ways we saw it till the end.
me - ok just tell me what was the last sceen.
Hubby - hmm, of course there were Names coming from bottom of the screen and scrolling up.
Friday, August 17, 2007
Nice Quote!!!
Has never been in bed with a mosquito
Moral - Experience sleeping with a mosquito.
Friday, August 10, 2007
Joke : Roles in Heaven
Brahma
Systems Installation
Vishnu
Systems Administration & Support
Lakshmi
Finance and Accounts consultant
Saraswati
Training and Knowledge Management
Shiva
DBA (Crash Specialist)
Ganesh
Quality Assuarance & Documentation
Narada
Data transfer
Yama
Reorganization & Downsizing Consultant
Chitragupta
IDP & Personal Records
Apsaras
Downloadable Viruses
Devas
Mainframe Programmers
Surya
Solaris Administrator
Rakshasas
In house Hackers
Ravan
! ;Internet Explorer WWWF
Lakshman
Support Software and Backup
Hanuman
Linux/s390
Jatayu
Firewall
Dronacharya
System Programmer
Vishwamitra
Sr. Manager Projects
Valmiki
Technical Writer (Ramayana Sign off document)
Krishna
SDLC ( Sudarshan Wheel Development Life Cycle )
Arjun
Lead Programmer (all companies are vying for him)
Abhimanyu
Trainee Programmer
Draupadi
Motivation & Team building
Bhima
MAINFRAME LEGACY SYSTEM
Duryodhana
Microsoft product Written in VB
Karna
Contract programmer
Dhrutarashtra
Visual C++
Gandhari
Dreamweaver
100 Kauravas
Microsoft Service Packs and patches
Thursday, August 9, 2007
Joke : Difference between Girls and Boys policy
GIRLS POLICY:
FRAUD with INNOCENT boys.
FUN with HANDSOME boys.
FRIENDSHIP with SMART boys.
LOVE with FAITHFUL boys.
MARRIAGE with RICH boys.
BOYS POLICY:
INDIA is our NATION
GIRLS are our DESTINATION
FLIRTING is our PROFESSION
DATING is our OCCUPATION
to HELL with our EDUCATION.
Wednesday, August 8, 2007
New Office Rules
1. SICKNESS: No excuses will be acceptable. We will no longer accept your doctor's statement as proof of illness, as we believe>that if you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
2. LEAVE OF ABSENCE FOR AN OPERATION: We are no longer allowing this practice. We wish to discourage any thoughts that you may not need all of whatever you have, and you should not consider having anything removed. We hired you as you are, and to have anything removed certainly makes you less than we bargained for.
3. DEATH, OTHER THAN YOUR OWN: This is no excuse. If you can arrange for funeral services to be held late in the afternoon, however, we can let you off an hour early, provided all your work is up to date.
4. DEATH, YOUR OWN: This will be accepted as an excuse, but we would like at least two weeks notice, as we feel it is your duty to teach someone else your job.
5. QUANTITY OF WORK: No matter how much you do, you'll never do enough.
6. QUALITY OF WORK: The minimum acceptable level is perfection.
7. ADVICE FROM OWNER: Eat a live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
8. TRAINING: We will Training only those who accepts that he is not a self learner. Also we wont sell Ambassadors when there are Mercedes available in the market.
9. THE BOSS IS ALWAYS RIGHT.
10. WHEN THE BOSS IS WRONG, REFER TO RULE 9.