Thursday, December 27, 2007

Stupid but funny Reasons.....

My hubby went to US recently (29Nov07 - 19Dec07)
Well, I wanted to go along with him and was really upset with him for not taking me with him.
Whenever we would talk i will ask him "Y didnt you take me along ?"
Here are few of his (Stupid but funny) reasons for not taking me along...
1. Cos i didnt knew i would miss you.
2. Cos the flight was full.
3. And I dint bring u wid me... Cos I would not have missed u den.

Monday, November 12, 2007

Joke - Husbands expert comments on Diwali sweets

It was a loooong weekend (thursday to sunday) for Diwali festival.

I had prepared Laddo's for the festival and was just waiting for my husband to taste them and his expert comments.

His first comments (keeping his face straight) - well!! Tastes fine but Ladoos are usually round in shape!!!

No its not over yet.....

We were talking about something and i was very happy but was hiding it and showing an angry face...

His comments - Dil mein tou ladoo phoot rahe hoge...... Hey but tell me one thing.... Dil mein jo ladoo phoot rahein hai wo round hain ya aise he tere asli ladoos ke shape mein hai??

I was angry but LoL.... he was LoL!! :)

Friday, November 2, 2007

Wedding Query............. (SQL Style)

BrideGroom Male (25) ,
Bride Female (20) AS BEGIN

SELECT Bride FROM India_Brides
WHERE Father-In-Law = 'Millionaire' AND Count(Car) > 20
AND HouseStatus ='ThreeStoreyed'
AND BrideEduStatus IN (B.TECH, BE, Degree, MCA, MBA)
AND Having Brothers= Null AND Sisters =Null;

SELECT Gold, Cash, Car, BankBalance FROM Father-In-Law

UPDATE MyBankAccout SET MyBal = MyBal + FatherInLawBal

UPDATE MyLocker SET MyLockerContents = MyLockerContents + FatherInLawGold


Then the wife writes the below query:
DROP Aliance;
DROP Husband;

Monday, October 22, 2007

Joke - Follow Us.

While going to picnic we were 9 of us distributed in two vehicals.

I was in the one which was behind in the race.

Our friend driving the first car didnt know the way properly, So we called him on mobile and asked him to go slow and follow us (drive behind us)...

One of the friend in our car commented "Follow doesnt mean take a U Turn and come behind us" :)

we all were LOL!!

Friday, October 5, 2007

Water or Wine!! Heres the Answer :)

As Ben Franklin said, "In wine there is wisdom; in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria".
In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. coli) - bacteria found in feces.
In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop (SHIT!!).
However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.
Remember: Water = Poop, Wine = Health
Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of crap.
There is no need to thank me for this valuable information; I'm doing it as a public service.

Monday, October 1, 2007

Practicle jokes of Hubby!!!

Receiving a call from hubby during office hours is a BIG surprise to me always :)

Just today when I received a call @ around 1.30pm I was both surprise and happy...
Me - Hello dear.
He - (in a hurry) Hey! how soon can you come to my office?
Me - Why?
He - please try to come immediately. right now.
my mood changed suddenly - little tensed and anxious, thinking... what has gone wrong???
Me - (anxious) WHY?
He - Well, the chapatis which you have given in tiffin requires two people to break them in pieces.
Me - releaved and laughing... and angry
He - LoL!!!

Sunday, September 23, 2007

Student Vs Professor

After having failed his exam in "Logistics and Organization ", a student goes and confronts his lecturer about it.
Student: "Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?"
Professor: "Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!"
Student: "Great, well then I would like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If you however do not know the answer, I want you give me an "A" for the exam. "
Professor: "Okay, it's a deal. So what is the question?"
Student: "What is legal, but not logical, logical, but not legal, and neither logical, nor legal? "
Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give the student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an "A", as agreed.
Afterwards, the professor calls on his best student and asks him the same question.
He immediately answers: "Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 35 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 25 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. The fact that you have given your wife's lover an "A", although he really should have failed, is neither legal, nor logical ."

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Jokes - Husband & Wife

The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM."
He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper bythe bed.
The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
Who does What
A man and his wife were having an argument about whoshould brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee." The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee." Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible
that the man should do the coffee."Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me." So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament
and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says..........
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked,
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument
and neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Joke - Abortion in the Ears!!

My wife is an ENT Surgeon while as I am a Gynaecologist.

(In fact, we had nearly called our hospital The 'Holey' Family hospital butare now waiting for our son to be a Proctologist and marry an urologist.)This can lead to some complications, as I recently learned to my anguish. AGeneral Practitioner phoned me up and told me that she as sending a patientof hers for an abortion. Unknown to me, she had also referred a female withearwax for removal of the wax to my wife.

I duly informed the receptionist to send the patient right in as she was expected (and expecting!) As Murphy lays down the laws of our hospital, it was but natural that the patient who wanted the wax removed from her ear,landed up with me. This is the conversation that I had with the patient.
"Please come in. Be seated." I said with a big smile. I always have a big smile, when I am going to earn some money. The patient gave a feeble smile and sat hesitantly on the edge of the chair. "Relax."
"Doctor, will this hurt a lot?"
"Not at all."
The patient relaxed visibly.
"You know something, Doctor, we tried removing it at home, but failed."
I was shocked. "Thank God. Trying this at home can cause seriouscomplications."
"I first tried to remove it by jumping up and down, but it just wouldn't budge."
I smiled and said, "If it were that easy, who would need doctors?"
She gave a cute smile and said, "Yeah! My neighbour tried to remove it with his finger, but the hole is so small that he used a hair pin."
"Oh my God!"
"Yes! My mother even tried a matchstick."
My blood pressure was shooting skywards. I just sputtered without uttering a word.
"Tell me, doctor, how do I avoid getting this dirt inside me?"
I knew that it was an unwanted pregnancy, but calling it dirt was too much. I replied a bit angrily, "There are tablets which can prevent this happening. Or you could use protection at night."
Now it was the patient's turn to be confused, "You mean to say that ithappens only at night?"
I saw her point. "No! No! I meant anytime of the day, whenever you are in the mood, you should use protection."
She was even more confused, "It depends on my moods?"
Again I saw her point. "My mistake. You need not be in any sort of mood. It just happens."
"My neighbour advised me to go to one of those chaps who sit by theroadside."
"You mean that pin man?"
This neighbour of hers seemed to be a very dangerous man. Besides using pins, he was sending her to such quacks. The only safety he knew was among the pins. "You were wise not to heed his advice."
"But I tried his other advice. He told me to put warm oil inside and wait. However, that also did not work."
This was getting more and more bizarre. Her neighbour deserved to be locked up either in a padded cell or a barred one.
"But have you taken your husband's permission?"
Now the patient looked confused. "Do I have to take my husband'spermission? Because if you need his sign, he is working in Dubai . We were not able to meet for the last one year."
It was my turn to be shocked. I gave a sly smirk. It was one of 'those'cases. The pin-wielding neighbour seemed to me the usual suspect. I reassured her. "No! No! The husband's sign is not at all needed."
"However, I did inform him on phone."
Her husband seemed to me a very broad-minded fellow. I didn't know whether to congratulate her or to commiserate with her. So I hastily turned to other aspects. "Its good that you came a bit early."
"Actually I wanted to come early in the morning, but I had some otherwork."
"Oh! I did not mean early today. I meant that if you had delayed this removal, it would have started moving. Then it would have developed aheartbeat."
The patient was staring at me wide eyed as if watching a horror movie.Looking at her face, I decided that she was not fit to listen to thegrotesque details. I decided to relieve her a bit. I said, "You will bleed a bit, but only for a few days."
By now, the poor patient was trembling, "how-H-How much bleeding?"
"Oh, only slightly more than your menstrual period, and it will continue only for a week or so."
By now the patient was clutching her hair in her fingers and staring at me wide-eyed. I asked her soothingly, "Why don't you lie down on the examination table? Remove your underclothes and relax."
This was the final straw. She didn't even wish me goodbye. I saw just a blur of motion leaving my consulting room at top speed.

Monday, August 20, 2007

Practicle jokes @ Home Sweet Home

Its his bday tomorrow ..... so as usual he asked as he does one day before this day every year
Hubby - hey what bday gift are you giving me tomorrow.
me - I am planning to murder you so that we both have a great bday gift.
Hubby - hmm, great, but please dont kill me with a knife or dont even strangle me please..... just add poison in whatever you cook tonight,
as it is your food tastes like poison.

2. Hubby always goes to sleep when we are watching some movie of my choice @ home

me - you have never seen one complete movie of my choice with me @ home
Hubby - Ofcourse we have seen Dhoom -2 the other day
me - hmm, No ways i remember you went to sleep before itself.
Hubby - No ways we saw it till the end.
me - ok just tell me what was the last sceen.
Hubby - hmm, of course there were Names coming from bottom of the screen and scrolling up.

Friday, August 17, 2007

3 Things in life Once gone never comes back!!!

Nice Quote!!!

Anyone who thinks that he is too small To a make a difference,
Has never been in bed with a mosquito

Moral - Experience sleeping with a mosquito.

Friday, August 10, 2007

Joke : Roles in Heaven

Roles in Heaven:

Systems Installation

Systems Administration & Support

Finance and Accounts consultant

Training and Knowledge Management

DBA (Crash Specialist)

Quality Assuarance & Documentation

Data transfer

Reorganization & Downsizing Consultant

IDP & Personal Records

Downloadable Viruses

Mainframe Programmers

Solaris Administrator

In house Hackers

! ;Internet Explorer WWWF

Support Software and Backup



System Programmer

Sr. Manager Projects

Technical Writer (Ramayana Sign off document)

SDLC ( Sudarshan Wheel Development Life Cycle )

Lead Programmer (all companies are vying for him)

Trainee Programmer

Motivation & Team building


Microsoft product Written in VB

Contract programmer

Visual C++


100 Kauravas
Microsoft Service Packs and patches

Thursday, August 9, 2007

Joke : Difference between Girls and Boys policy



FUN with HANDSOME boys.


LOVE with FAITHFUL boys.

MARRIAGE with RICH boys.






to HELL with our EDUCATION.

Wednesday, August 8, 2007

New Office Rules

1. SICKNESS: No excuses will be acceptable. We will no longer accept your doctor's statement as proof of illness, as we believe>that if you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

2. LEAVE OF ABSENCE FOR AN OPERATION: We are no longer allowing this practice. We wish to discourage any thoughts that you may not need all of whatever you have, and you should not consider having anything removed. We hired you as you are, and to have anything removed certainly makes you less than we bargained for.

3. DEATH, OTHER THAN YOUR OWN: This is no excuse. If you can arrange for funeral services to be held late in the afternoon, however, we can let you off an hour early, provided all your work is up to date.

4. DEATH, YOUR OWN: This will be accepted as an excuse, but we would like at least two weeks notice, as we feel it is your duty to teach someone else your job.

5. QUANTITY OF WORK: No matter how much you do, you'll never do enough.

6. QUALITY OF WORK: The minimum acceptable level is perfection.

7. ADVICE FROM OWNER: Eat a live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.

8. TRAINING: We will Training only those who accepts that he is not a self learner. Also we wont sell Ambassadors when there are Mercedes available in the market.



Tuesday, August 7, 2007