Bangalore Auto Meters/Drivers Autopsy

After staying in Mumbai all my life, it’s been 2 years since i came to Bangalore, I found traveling using public transport a problem in Bangalore.

Initially tried to travel by bus, Uff but the main problem was that all bus numbers and destinations are written in Kannada and the only words I learned about this language is 'Kannada barilla sir/madam' :).

Then I thought when I am earning so much, why not spend a little more and travel in a relaxed way. So I started going by Auto.

Just in a few days of traveling by Auto, I almost heard the auto drivers telling me, 'Madam when you are earning so much, why don’t spend a LITTLE MORE and travel in a relaxed way (by just paying whatever the meter shows without arguing)'

Well, so here I am citing a few Incidents I faced with Auto drivers. Of course all the incidents have few things in common
1. Improper Meter
2. Drivers ready with replies.
3. Will either make you scream in anger or make you smile? But leaves you frustrating.

Listing few of the many incidents I faced.....

======================================
1: Win - Win situation :o) (Very very rare case)
Me: Sir your Meter is fast....
Driver: (stops the auto) Oh is it... How fast madam? .... Hits the meter 3 times... Resets the meter and starts again...

And LO!! At the end of the journey actually the meter is fine.... (It’s like the saying goes, "Laton ke Bhoot, Batoon se nahi mante")

2: Happy Situation: o) (Very rare case)
Me: Sir your Meter is fast...
Driver: Do you come through this route daily?
Me: Yes...
Driver: OK, then pay whatever it comes to daily :)

3: frustrating situation :o) (Most generic situation)
Me: Sir your Meter is fast....
Driver: No reaction
Me: Excuse me Sir your Meter is not fine
Driver: (looks at the meter) Oh is it, Ok.
Still takes the hiked fare what shows in the meter...
Me: Sir your Meter is fast
Driver: O is it... ok... you are the 1st one to tell me this... I will get it checked...
And drives away :) (Infect sometimes takes 1-2 Rs extra stating they don’t have the exact change)

4: Helpless Situation :o) (not so general)
Me: Sir your Meter is fast....
Driver: (Stops the Auto) get out, Pay the bill and take some other auto. (Starts shouting)

5: Angry Situation: o) (happens once in a week)
Me: Sir your Meter is fast....
.... And a BIG Argument starts....

This happens so frequently that you really takes a day off from all this (Just Like what i did today)... ignore the Meter and Just pay the bill :o)

Either ways... you can hate them, you can love them but you can’t live without them.

A Perfect Bday.

At 00.01am on 2nd January I heard the music going “Happy Birthday to you ……….” (I don’t like being disturbed in my sleep) With great difficulty I tried to open my eyes to see what’s happening, and I see my dear hubby singing the song for me. :o) That really made my day…. Ok, that was it I thought, couldn’t expect too much from my unromantic (that’s what I call him) hubby.

When we got up it was just the normal routine working day and nothing more… since he leaves office before me, he was a little upset and told “O dear I wont be able to see you wearing that necklace and earrings I bought for you”, I just replied you can check it in the evening when we go out for dinner :o).

We (I and hubby) left for our respective offices as usual. Of course what followed during the day was a lot of bday wishes from office colleagues and calls from family and friends; it usually gives me a mixed feeling of happiness and sadness when I receive bday wishes. But today it was fine I was actually enjoying each and every call from everyone close to me. Guess it was effect of what happened at midnight ;o)

Like I usually do I called up hubby to check if he has had his lunch and instead of ‘hello’ from him, I heard him singing “hey bday girl, happy bday to you …. “ J I was really happy about it.

Ok, so finally it was time to leave office and go home. I knew we would go out for dinner (like we usually do on our bday) to one of the routine restaurants. Since I was talking to my sister (on phone) while leaving home, I was least bothered to check which direction we are going in. when finally the call was over and we reached I was surprised to check we are outside some hi-fi restaurant and then I shouted “Gold Finch” (heard a lots about this place from my dear hubby)

It was a roof top restaurant with lovely and cozy ambience, surrounded by glass walls so that we could admire the city from top. I liked the place as soon as we walked in. Hubby was in high spirits to see me so pleased that he started with his Fosters :o) followed by a pack of cigarette, Full in style he would light up one cigarette, take two puffs and put the rest of it to just burn to ashes in the ashtray. I was too busy enjoying my Iced Tea along with Chicken and prawn kebabs, Dahi papdi chat, batata puri, fruit chaat, roasted papad etc…

What followed was an appetizing dinner with tomato soup, dal makhani, rice, various kinds of rotis, sweet dishes of gulab jamun, ice cream, cake and last but not the least Kala khatta gola (which tasted like some sweet syrup – the only thing I didn’t like that much).

We both were enjoying the foodstuff along with the chit chat after such a long time and I couldn’t believe it was time to pay for the damages and leave. Nevertheless the evening was still young (hehehe). And I just said jokingly “we are the only people coming out of such a restaurant and not having a hi-fi car.” Prompt came a reply “We have a Shaffer driven three wheeler auto”. We got down at the corner of our house and walked down for about 10 mins just to digest what we just stuffed in. J

Finally we reached home and it was 00.01am. So that’s what I call a perfect bday.

Dearest hubby love you always, thanks for the making my day so wonderful.

Stupid but funny Reasons.....

My hubby went to US recently (29Nov07 - 19Dec07)

Well, I wanted to go along with him and was really upset with him for not taking me with him.

Whenever we would talk i will ask him "Y didnt you take me along ?"

Here are few of his (Stupid but funny) reasons for not taking me along...

1. Cos i didnt knew i would miss you.

2. Cos the flight was full.

3. And I dint bring u wid me... Cos I would not have missed u den.

Joke - Husbands expert comments on Diwali sweets

It was a loooong weekend (thursday to sunday) for Diwali festival.

I had prepared Laddo's for the festival and was just waiting for my husband to taste them and his expert comments.

His first comments (keeping his face straight) - well!! Tastes fine but Ladoos are usually round in shape!!!

No its not over yet.....

We were talking about something and i was very happy but was hiding it and showing an angry face...

His comments - Dil mein tou ladoo phoot rahe hoge...... Hey but tell me one thing.... Dil mein jo ladoo phoot rahein hai wo round hain ya aise he tere asli ladoos ke shape mein hai??

I was angry but LoL.... he was LoL!! :)

Wedding Query............. (SQL Style)

CREATE PROCEDURE MyMarriage
BrideGroom Male (25) ,
Bride Female (20) AS BEGIN

SELECT Bride FROM India_Brides
WHERE Father-In-Law = 'Millionaire' AND Count(Car) > 20
AND HouseStatus ='ThreeStoreyed'
AND BrideEduStatus IN (B.TECH, BE, Degree, MCA, MBA)
AND Having Brothers= Null AND Sisters =Null;

SELECT Gold, Cash, Car, BankBalance FROM Father-In-Law

UPDATE MyBankAccout SET MyBal = MyBal + FatherInLawBal

UPDATE MyLocker SET MyLockerContents = MyLockerContents + FatherInLawGold

INSERT INTO MyCarShed VALUES ('BMW')
END
GO

Then the wife writes the below query:
DROP Aliance;
DROP Husband;
Commit;

Joke - Follow Us.

While going to picnic we were 9 of us distributed in two vehicals.

I was in the one which was behind in the race.

Our friend driving the first car didnt know the way properly, So we called him on mobile and asked him to go slow and follow us (drive behind us)...

One of the friend in our car commented "Follow doesnt mean take a U Turn and come behind us" :)

we all were LOL!!

Water or Wine!! Heres the Answer :)

As Ben Franklin said, "In wine there is wisdom; in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria".

In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. coli) - bacteria found in feces.

In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop (SHIT!!).

However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.

Remember: Water = Poop, Wine = Health

Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of crap.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information; I'm doing it as a public service.

Practicle jokes of Hubby!!!

Receiving a call from hubby during office hours is a BIG surprise to me always :)

Just today when I received a call @ around 1.30pm I was both surprise and happy...
Me - Hello dear.
He - (in a hurry) Hey! how soon can you come to my office?
Me - Why?
He - please try to come immediately. right now.
my mood changed suddenly - little tensed and anxious, thinking... what has gone wrong???
Me - (anxious) WHY?
He - Well, the chapatis which you have given in tiffin requires two people to break them in pieces.
Me - releaved and laughing... and angry
He - LoL!!!

Student Vs Professor


After having failed his exam in "Logistics and Organization ", a student goes and confronts his lecturer about it.

Student: "Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?"

Professor: "Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!"

Student: "Great, well then I would like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If you however do not know the answer, I want you give me an "A" for the exam. "

Professor: "Okay, it's a deal. So what is the question?"

Student: "What is legal, but not logical, logical, but not legal, and neither logical, nor legal? "

Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give the student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an "A", as agreed.

Afterwards, the professor calls on his best student and asks him the same question.

He immediately answers: "Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 35 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 25 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. The fact that you have given your wife's lover an "A", although he really should have failed, is neither legal, nor logical ."

Jokes - Husband & Wife

The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.

Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,

"Please wake me at 5:00 AM."

He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.

Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper bythe bed.

The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

Who does What

A man and his wife were having an argument about whoshould brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee." The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee." Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible
that the man should do the coffee."Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me." So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament
and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says..........

"HEBREWS" (HE BREWS)

W O R D S
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000.

The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...

The husband then turned to his wife and asked,

"What?"

WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument

and neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"

"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."